The ‘Ridiculousness’ of Today’s Scam Letters

There’s no question that things are tougher now than they’ve been in a while. People are desperate and will do almost anything to make a buck.

This includes making a complete fool of yourself online, in an attempt to scam some poor, unsuspecting grandparent who was just talked into stepping into the new world of internet and email.  Their grandchildren got together and created the account for ole pappy. They set up the email address, ya know, weloveourpappy@familylove.com and teach him how to check his email. Their intention is to make it easier to send pictures of the family and to keep ole gramps updated on family events.

I imagine this scenario because clearly these must be the only poor, unsuspecting souls that fall for these email scams. Has to be. I don’t blame the old people. It’s not their fault.

An intelligent, free-thinking friend of mine, Andre, recently received one that he posted on Facebook. I was laughing so hard I was in tears. It reminded me of when I got them regularly.  Thanks for the inspiration Dre

If these scam artists had a 0% success rate, I would imagine that they would all fade away into the distance. But they are still around so my assumption is that they have had at least minimal success.

I was first introduced to this part of life about five years ago when I was selling electronics on Ebay. Fortunately I’m such an email pack rat that I still have the first scam email I’ve ever received. These scam emails are designed to get one of three things from you. Money, Product(s), or Your Personal Information. My first experience was an attempt to get a free product that I was selling. Attempts at a free product is all I will focus on today.

Here’s the actual email:

How are you today.I’m the winner of your great item, .I’m sorry for not reading your item description,as i’m sending the item to my son as a gift in west africa (Nigeria) as for the shipping i will like you to make the shipment via global express mail EMS and i will add extra $100 with the total cost of the item and arrange for the payment as soon as possible through paypal,so kindly help to ship the item to him because his graduation ceremony is just in few days time,i would have love to send it my self but i am busy with my special assignment here in australia on behalf of my company, so here is my son’s shipping address below.
 John Ademola 109 Akinola Street Orogun Ojoo
 Ibadan oyo state Nigeria 23402

I’m not sure if this email was originated in Nigeria, but the first thing I thought was apparently in Africa, they don’t believe in punctuation periods.

I guess I was supposed to send his son the item before receiving payment, and this nice man will send me the payment in full in addition to $100 to ship via EMS

Um, why?

My main problem with it is the level of stupidity it displays. People trying to scam other people dates back hundreds of years. But the people who do it were called Artists for a reason. It was an art. They were usually smooth. Brilliant. Convincing. Often times you wouldn’t know you were being scammed until it was too late.

Now they’re just stupid. At least try to fool me. Or better yet, learn to form a sentence and use periods. Commas, aren’t, the, only, punctuation

If you’ve never seen scam emails, these should introduce you to this ridiculous practice. Enjoy the laugh.

Here’s another one. Apparently at this point they realize that we are on to the nigerian scams. She attempts to address it and side step it as such. Again, this is an actual email I received:

Hello…
I AM VERY SORRY FOR REPLYING YOU LATELY. EBAY CANCLED THE TRANSACTION INBETWEEN US BUT I HAVE JUST FINISH RECTIFYING IT SO THIS TRANSACTION IS NOW FULLY SECURED. I hope i can call you an Ebayer? Anyway,  my names is Mariam. Am very much aware as you have  stated in your listing that you will only ship within the US but I think am just stepping on your toes because am not a Nigerian I just got married to a young God fearing Nigerian so please don’t be annoyed with this please. Everyone is now afraid of been scammed even though, I have been scammed once and it was because i just joined then but I reported the seller and he was suspended. In a nut shell, this item is specially for my husband “Nurudeen  Ayinla”  as a gift and he is currently in Ibadan Nigeria for a project as it’s our first wedding anniversary on the 6th of May next month. Since we’re not going to be together for this occasion, so I thought I get him something and surprise him with this nice gift. I will be paying you for this transaction to be concluded very fast via my paypal account and you will receive your payment confirmation very soon. I would have loved to send the item to Nigeria personally but I’m not presently in US. I’m a movie actress and I’m never sure were I can be in min. to min. but right now, I’m presently on abroad in Germany, Hamburg to be precise.
I will add an extra $110 to cover for postage and packaging with shipping cost and I want this package to be shipped via USPS GLOBAL EXPRESS MAIL SERVICE
to my husband at address below:

Nurudeen  Ayinla
No 6 Odukoya Street Felele Layout Challenge
Ibadan
OyoState
Nigeria
23402.

 I am relatively a  busy person as you can view. Am sincerely hoping to have the best transaction with you. I will be making the payment in the mean time. Do get to send out the package upon receiving confirmation of payment from paypal asap. Please send the Package to the specify address above. I will appreciate it a lot if you can kindly help me wrap the
package very well so that it will get to him as a mode of a gift and I will be more than happy if you can personally add your anniversary greeting card to the package stating “JUST FOR YOU”. Cheers!!!
Pls be honest with me and I want it to be shipped with USPS because the
anniversary is already at the door

I’m going to have a field day with this one. Let’s break this one down:

Hello…
I AM VERY SORRY FOR REPLYING YOU LATELY. EBAY CANCLED THE TRANSACTION INBETWEEN US BUT I HAVE JUST FINISH RECTIFYING IT SO THIS TRANSACTION IS NOW FULLY SECURED

What exactly does the first sentence mean? Are you apologizing for replying to me lately? Does that insinuate that you’ve been doing it a lot? Well, it’s weird since it was your first note to me. Ebay CANCELLED (there’s two ways to spell that word, they got em both wrong) what transaction? I’m very surprised to see ‘Rectifying’ was actually spelled correctly. And let’s see, you’ve managed to make no sense, misspell words, and sound retarded, but thanks for comforting me letting me know this invisible transaction is now fully secured. Continue…

I hope i can call you an Ebayer? Anyway,  my names is Mariam. Am very much aware as you have stated in your listing that you will only ship within the US but I think am just stepping on your toes because am not a Nigerian I just got married to a young God fearing Nigerian so please don’t be annoyed with this please.

What?! I’m selling products on ebay and you call me an ebayer! Of course you can’t call me such a derogatory word. How dare you? Your NAMES is Mariam? That’s only one. Did you forget the other one? Hey, thanks for the random comment letting me know you weren’t Nigerian. It’s not like I suggested you were or even asked if you were Nigerian. You admitted that my listing said I would only ship in the US, what does that have to do with telling me you’re not Nigerian? Maybe the best way for me to convince someone I’m not a terrorist, let’s say, is to start by telling them that pickles are usually on a sandwich. And ohhhh thank you for letting me know you married a God fearing Nigerian. If he wasn’t God fearing, he might actually try to scam me or something. Let’s continue

Everyone is now afraid of been scammed even though, I have been scammed once and it was because i just joined then but I reported the seller and he was suspended. In a nut shell, this item is specially for my husband “Nurudeen  Ayinla”  as a gift and he is currently in Ibadan Nigeria for a project as it’s our first wedding anniversary on the 6th of May next month. Since we’re not going to be together for this occasion, so I thought I get him something and surprise him with this nice gift.

Well I’m not afraid of being scammed because you idiots make absolutely no sense. You couldn’t take my baby’s fork from her hand while she’s using it to eat pudding. And let’s not even talk about the pathetic way you tried to get me to sympathize with you being scammed. You’re ridiculous. Oh and to say ‘the 6th of May next month’ is redundant. You could just say the 6th of May and I’ll know exactly when you’re talking about. Continue

I will be paying you for this transaction to be concluded very fast via my paypal account and you will receive your payment confirmation very soon. I would have loved to send the item to Nigeria personally but I’m not presently in US. I’m a movie actress and I’m never sure were I can be in min. to min. but right now, I’m presently on abroad in Germany, Hamburg to be precise.

Are you kidding me?! Who writes this stuff? You’re a movie actress now? Well hello Mariam the Movie Actress. My name is So and So the President of the Universe of the Solar System of Life. You don’t know where you’ll be min to min? What are you filming 20 sec movies? You’re in Germany, Hamburg? Well I’m in Calfornia, Los Angeles. Continue, jump down to after the address, nothing worth commenting on there

 I am relatively a  busy person as you can view. Am sincerely hoping to have the best transaction with you. I will be making the payment in the mean time. Do get to send out the package upon receiving confirmation of payment from paypal asap. Please send the Package to the specify address above. I will appreciate it a lot if you can kindly help me wrap the package very well so that it will get to him as a mode of a gift and I will be more than happy if you can personally add your anniversary greeting card to the package stating “JUST FOR YOU”. Cheers!!! Pls be honest with me and I want it to be shipped with USPS because the anniversary is already at the door

As if it couldn’t get any worse, this last part is just plain stupid. No, I can’t see you to view how busy you are. No best transaction, but you have provided me with ample entertainment. You already told me the payment was coming in the last section. You want me to send the package to the ‘specify’ address? Is that close to a sci-fi address? Is that what they call it in Germany, Hamburg? WHOA! WAIT A MINUTE! Now you want me to gift wrap this thing too? And very well? Because I guess THAT would make it a ‘mode as a gift’. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! I’m also supposed to add an anniversary greeting card (along with this magical wrapping paper, both of which I must have pulled out my butt) and write your very heartfelt, extremely romantic, beautifully written message of JUST FOR YOU, that doesn’t even mention your “husband” by name? Hmmm. And Cheers? Is that what they say in Nigeria? I learn something new everyday. Oh and if your anniversary is already at the door, you might wanna answer it. Don’t leave it waiting. That’s rude!

Who falls for this stuff? Seriously. I have more emails to make fun of. Stay tuned

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6 thoughts on “The ‘Ridiculousness’ of Today’s Scam Letters

  1. Pingback: Happy First Birthday To This Blog | SPIRITT'S THINKBOXER

  2. Pingback: How Not To Scammed By An Email | SPIRITT'S THINKBOXER

  3. Pingback: A Hilarious Letter In My Junk Email | SPIRITT'S THINKBOXER

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