I won’t claim for a second that I’m the Sexiest Man Alive. At least not outside of my bathroom with the door closed. Under my breath. With my eyes closed.
But I’ve also never seen myself on a high definition television.
Apparently neither have these people on this list.
I’m harder on the people who have more money. Generally I feel there’s no excuse to not be on your game.
And speaking of game, I’ve been watching the NBA a lot this year. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I just got in to Fantasy Basketball, although it’s not looking great for me right now. But I have always and probably will always just love the game.
The following people in the NBA should search for the creators of High Definition, shake them and scream WHY out loud. In other words, not the most attractive people in the world.
JOAKIM NOAH – CHICAGO BULLS
Ok tell the truth. You gasped when you saw this picture didn’t you? I hear a collective “whoa” from anyone looking at the picture. I could list everything wrong with him in this picture alone but I have to be somewhere in the next three months.
And the funniest sign I saw in the 2009 playoffs: “Hey Joakim. I Noah Dentist”. Priceless
REGGIE EVANS – LOS ANGELES CLIPPERS
Why does it seem that the more ugly a guy is, the more he wants to grow a beard? Is he trying to hide his face? Well thanks for being considerate but it makes it worse. Stop it. And this dude really kills me. I couldn’t find a “today” picture of him but lately he has not been shaving his head (I live in LA so we get all Clipper games). Let me tell you this. HE’S BALDING. And not that light version. Like the whole middle of his head is missing.
I find myself screaming at the TV: “WERE THEY OUT OF RAZORS WHERE YOU LIVE?”.
Add the natural level of ugly to that look and this dude will make you lose your lunch.
STAN VAN GUNDY – HEAD COACH ORLANDO MAGIC
But then every time I try to buckle down and just accept the fact that I don’t like looking at this guy on my 60″ High Def TV, he manages to make a ridiculous face. He does that frequently through the game and apparently the camera man can’t help capture it when he does. Case in point….
Do not adjust your computer monitor. No that is not a mistake. It is not a result of Photo Shop. This is what he really looks like. His nickname is Birdman not because he can jump so high he can fly. It’s because, well, he looks like a bird. I wouldn’t think that would be considered a compliment.
I guess he is free. And you are always free to do whatever you want including tatting your whole body and neck and who knows what else (I sure don’t want to know). But I am equally free to talk about you.
I wonder what he plans to do after the NBA. Interview at Microsoft?
TAYSHAUN PRINCE – DETROIT PISTONS
GREG ODEN – PORTLAND TRAILBLAZERS (well, sort of)
Yeah I don’t blame you. That’s what I said too. How do you come out of college at such a young age looking like a Wino from the 70’s? My mother and sister always disagreed with his age. I say forget his age. No matter what age he is still one ugly SOB.
He’s been hurt every year since he started. I mean missing entire seasons type hurt. I think those of us that watch hoops and have an HDTV are very grateful for that.
JAMES HARDEN – OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER
I don’t know when the whole Bum look became fashionable but I don’t get it. Never have. Never will. Somebody needs to hold Harden hostage, grab their Hair Clippers and go buck wild on that beard. Then add to the fact that he has a mohawk (yes a mohawk) and those droopy eyes and HD is not his bff. And also his choice in clothes are, uh, interesting.
Continuing with the homeless look…..
RONNY TURIAF – WASHINGTON WIZARDS
This dude has kept this same look since he played with the Lakers. I think he resided on the streets of Downtown LA. I don’t know why LA and NY have to recruit bums to play in the league with all these good college players to choose from.
And for added measure….
TYRONE CORBIN – HEAD COACH UTAH JAZZ
Warning: You might want to put on some sunglasses before looking at the next picture.
CRAIG SAGER – TNT SIDELINE COMMENTATOR
I have no comments on this one. I’m simply speechless. View at your own risk.