What Exactly Is TMI?

I like to think that I have a ‘free’ sense of humor. Not just because I don’t get paid anything for it, but because I like to be free to find humor in anything. No topic is off limits. Nothing offensive, just any subject has the potential to carry a haha.

Sometimes though in this extremely sensitive, lightweight world we live in it may be difficult to get the world to laugh at the odd.

So with that said, after going for a walk at lunch time yesterday I got back to the office, sat in my chair and felt an immediate discomfort on my back side.

Relax. There’s nothing crazy associated with it.

I know what it was that caused my discomfort. At that moment I had a revelation.

I picked up my iPhone (doesn’t everybody have one?) and launched the Facebook app. I updated my status with the following:

Ladies, be happy that you don’t have ass hairs. Well, most of you at least

Ok look people. This is a very honest observation. Depending on how you sit, what you’ve been doing or what mood they’re in those little hairs on your butt hurt. And it’s not like your head when you can moisturize them either. Fortunately most women will never know that.

On my post, one of my friends, Baron, commented:

TMI bro. TMI

And just in case you don’t know, TMI = Too Much Information

To which I became confused. I spoke nothing of my situation, nor (despite my temptation) did I take a picture of mine and post it. In fact I didn’t even mention if I had hair.

My coworker told me she couldn’t believe that I posted that.

You would think that I told a dirty joke and added a picture shot of an adult movie and tossed it on my Facebook page.

Geez people. We cannot be that far gone as a society that mentioning hairs on your butt is a cause for panic.

Richard Pryor would be rolling over in his grave. Whatever that means.

You wanna hear TMI?

I’ve been home sick watching tv in the daytime. Just before I find out if Jerome, the 8th dude tested, really is Shaquita’s child’s father,  Maury tells me we’ll find out after the break.

Then a commercial starts and after they’ve shown a woman in a dress of some sort prancing around the back yard in a straw hat smiling, the voice-over starts:

“Is your Period too severe? Do you find yourself gushing more than usual?”

Then Sandy, Lori, or Susan looks at the screen and speaks her part:

“My Period was so bad I wondered if I would bleed to death. I ruined all of my clothes and was not allowed in a public restroom in six different states. Until I discovered Vagimoxinitis EM.”

Shoot to a shot of her running on the beach with her dog….

“Now I’m free, clean and dry. I’ve even had those bans lifted in the six states.”

Cut to a digital image of the product. Voice-Over returns.

“Vagimoxinitis EM is high tech support created by leading officials. Unlock other feminine products,Vagimoxinitis EM is designed to keep you fresh for days at a time.”

Digital image fills with virtual blood but no digital liquid escapes the product. Voice Over continues….

“Consult a doctor if you have hives, stink naturally, or think you may be pregnant. Vagimoxinitis EM is not for women over the age of 94, anyone on Menopause, and can be fatal if you take while battling diarrhea….

“…..side effects may include, nausea, diarrhea, migrains, anal secretions, uncontrollable gas, cancer, heart attack, and in rare cases, instant death. Consult your physician if bleeding last for more than 45 days or if you’re still watching this commercial.”

Shoot back to Sandy, Lori, or Susan who is sitting on the white couch next to her husband Tom, Bill, or John. They are both grinning on the sofa at the camera. She concludes…

“Taking Vagimoxinitis EM was the best decision I ever made”.

And cut.

Ok there were like 26 TMI’s in that ad and yet nobody says a word. You mean to tell me that…well, never mind I’ll just quit while I’m behind.

Oh, and Jerome…You are NOT the father.

Of course I had to rewind the DVR to get the results because after that commercial I had to go toss my cookies.

Aw crap, TMI?

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My Friends Bobby Moore, Patricia Moore, And Their Family Need Your Help; Sad Situation

Hey guys,

The unthinkable has happened. Bobby Moore and I are high school friends and Patricia Moore is his mother. Their sister/daughter respectively, Renicia, gave birth to a little girl named Sophia, who after a five week battle for her life tragically passed away last week.

Now the family is in an unimaginable situation trying to grieve and yet come up with the money for baby Sophia’s funeral.

As I type these words, it almost seems surreal. As a father of a five year old girl, I absolutely cannot imagine this level of pain. I worry about mine daily, hourly, minutely. Where is she? Is she safe? Be it a bug, an animal or another human I would kill to keep her safe.

What do you do when you’re in a position where God calls your child home? I can’t imagine. Neither can you.

So I’m calling on all parents and non-parents with good hearts. This family is unknown to you but I know them and they are very good people, a good family. They certainly do not deserve this pain.

I’m asking you to help them. You may have seen ads to sponsor a stranger child in Africa for something like $0.83 a day, and you have no idea who that kid is or even if you’re contributing to something real.

Well I can vouch that this is very real, very painful, and very heart-breaking.

There are two ways to help:

1) Make a direct donation to the funeral. Renicia and her husband set up an account at Bank of American specifically for Sophia.

UPDATE: By the request of Renicia and out of respect, I have removed the bank account number. Please contact me for the bank account information and I’ll email it to you.

2) A friend of Patricia’s who has her own online business, has created specifically for Sophia a special soap for sale, with 100% of the proceeds going directly to Sophia.

Per Patricia’s friend, Tabitha, who is selling the soap:

OK so one of my dear friends Patricia Moore is suffering pain from the loss of her beautiful grand daughter Sophia. I felt the same when the cousin who is like a Sister to me lost her baby Carter. The pain was nearly unbearable. With this loss comes financial burden that only adds to the difficulties processing this tough time. So in honor of Patricia, her large heart, faith and beautiful family I am offering a “Sophia” soap. These will be in the shape of a cupcake. They will be scented with Lavender for calming, Rose for love, and Lily to help the mourning process. They will have chamomile herb added in honor of her youth. Each soap will be $5 which will include first class shipping. 100% of profit which is $3 of each soap ($2 is my cost of shipping) will be donated to her family. Limit 3 per person. Please help my beautiful friend and her family. Message me to order. (Patricia feel free to post this to your friends)

The website link to buy the soap is right here.

And here is what the soap looks like.

Although you may not know this family, ask yourself: If you were in their shoes, wouldn’t you want someone to donate something, anything? Any amount you want or even $5 for a cupcake bar of soap in honor of Sophia? You can do it. You will spend money on countless useless things in the next few days/weeks. Why not spend just a small amount of money and support a good family caught in a bad situation.

Much love to the family and especially to baby Sophia, and on behalf of the family thank you for your support.

Our Baby Saw The President: Her Reaction Is Priceless

This past Thursday, June 7, President Obama rolled past my baby’s school twice; once to head to breakfast and then back again after he was done.

On his way back, the administrators had all of the students of the small, private school standing on the sidewalk; our baby included.

Here she is explaining to her mom and I what happened. Forgive me for the slight background noise (we were sitting next to a fan), but the audio is still loud and clear. Enjoy her enthusiasm as much as we did:

 

I Have Figured Out Lebron’s Problem

Humor me for a second.

I know how it is when you’re a fan of someone and some ‘hater’ comes and disrespects him/her. Makes you want to….well, you know.

But I’m not coming from the perspective of a so-called hater. I actually like Lebron. Until last year’s epic Finals meltdown I often defended LBJ (which we’ll call him from now on).

But something is wrong. Not to say that he’s already counted out this season, but with his team down 3 – 2 and playing in enemy territory tonight, it’s a strong possibility.

Nine years in the league, and if they lose tonight nine seasons where he did not win a championship.

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You Won’t Believe Why This Woman Was Arrested

Certain situations never cease to amaze me. In this case, though, my mouth was left hanging open as I read the events.

Here’s the story of what happened.

A Myrtle Beach teen’s high school graduation on Saturday was ruined when her excited mom, Shannon Cooper, was arrested for cheering.

You read that right. This mom was not only thrown out but she was actually arrested and brought up on charges for cheering her daughter on as she graduated.

I remember my family cheering me on when I graduated. So were countless other families.

First, let’s start with the school. They did mention that parents were warned they would be tossed from the auditorium if they cheered for an individual. What they didn’t mention is why. Why are parents not allowed to cheer something they sacrificed so much to make happen?

As this mom said: “I’m going to cheer, because…I’ve gone through too much to get her to this point.” She added incredulously, “I can’t let her know ‘I’m so proud of you?”

Fair question. And it should be answered. Yes her act were defiant. But if we are going to start arresting people for moral defiance, you had better start building jail cells the size of small planets; we are all going to jail.

Getting kicked out is one thing. Getting arrested is another.

Apparently removing her from her own daughter’s graduation (which to be fair, they did give advanced notice on that….so fine) wasn’t enough? Were her actions really a crime?

We cheer loudly at sporting events. Heck, even Golf fans – the most boring, yet admittedly very skilled sport ever – cheer after a nice shot. Why would parents not be allowed to cheer real life events? How is that unruly? Do they have that same rule at the sporting events of this particular high school? Or anywhere for that matter.

Under that brilliant cerebrating, the thousands of people in arenas and stadiums around the world should be arrested too.

The people in the comments of the original article are arguing really stupid points:

“You shouldn’t have to be told to not act unruly at a graduation”, says one idiot.

My response: You’re right. And she didn’t. She cheered for her child. Before you make stupid comments like that, find out what constitutes unruly. Then, shut up.

“How would you like to be one of the other parents who can’t hear your child’s name because of the noise?”, asked another genius.

My Response: If they’re going to announce everyone’s name individually, there would be a gap between names. The students would walk across the stage, maybe get handed a diploma, pose for a picture with the principal, things like that. In a world of microphones and PA Systems, why on Earth would there not be enough time for someone to cheer? It’s not like she was starting the wave. Are you telling me that with one person cheering, the next name would not be heard over a speaker system? Seriously?

“We don’t know the whole story on this one”, observes another.

My Response: Yeah, why is that? Whenever there’s an arrest made and it makes the news, there’s usually the arresting officer or an another officer familiar with the situation to comment. Why did no one say anything?

Again, my point isn’t with having her removed from the auditorium. It’s the arrest.

And do you really think that she is the only one in the auditorium who cheered? Please. Adults in masses never perfectly follow rules, especially when it’s a “do not” rule. And as pointed out in the article:

She and her daughter also assert that others were cheering and avoided arrest.

I’ll bet.