I work for a branch of the government. I would tell you which one but it’s extremely classified and would completely blow my cover.
Besides employees of the City of Los Angeles should fly under the radar anyway. Wait….s**t.
Well anyway there’s a lot of talk around the office and around the city and has been for a while now. The story is we’re getting a raise and it’s always a tale of two cities. Employees put a lot of emphasis on it hoping to use it as a morale booster, while the public thinks we get paid too much as it is.
Right in the middle is me. In a world where I just read that the mayor of a city on the East Coast is a billionaire with a Net Worth of $18 billion, I wonder why there is so much put on a 1.75% raise now and 5.5% increase in January.
And I mean that on both sides. Staff is excited about what would amount to about $50 per paycheck. And to the public outcry, relax, it’s only $50 per paycheck.
But all this aside, when one of my staff sent me the email with the information on it FMI, well you know me. I don’t look for things that catch my eye that are ridiculous, hilarious, or just plain weird….it just gravitates to me so I can have something to write about.
On the right side of the email there was an extra column that contained the date and location of the next meeting, the phone number of the union, and an unforgettable headline:
“Donate your shoes to help save lives. Click here to find out more”
Oh I laughed from a nice, healthy place in my soul. The kind of laughter where you can’t breathe and you’re crying. This. Changes. Everything.
Somebody needs to tell the police they don’t need to carry guns anymore. They need shoes. We all need shoes. Forget making arrest. Someone comes after you give em a shoe. Or hit em with one.
Hospitals should stop all medicine practice and should sell all of their equipment and replace them with shoes. And apparently since you’re donating YOUR shoes they don’t even have to be new. They can be old and funky. Maybe the funkier the better?
Sell all ambulances the world over. No need to save anyone’s life using ridiculous methods like CPR. Actually forget all CPR training and cease and desists all classes in the future. Can you imagine?
Lady walking down the street: Oh my Gosh! There’s a man lying here on the ground. He’s not breathing. HELP!
Me, rushing over: What seems to be the problem?
Lady: I think he’s unconscious. Do you know CPR? I’ll call 911.
Me. Relax. Put that phone away. I’ve got shoes. Used shoes. Worn down to the point where I was ready to buy another pair. Thank God I didn’t ma’am. My shoes can now save a life.
Lady (breathes a sigh of relief): Oh good thinking. Thank you so much. You must have gone to medical school.
Me: No. I just belong to the union ma’am. Just the union.
For the record I didn’t open the link to find out more. Chances are there’s a legitimate way to make it so that shoes can help save lives. But it would be far less entertaining than my interpretation of what it said.
Oh and if you don’t believe the email said what it said, here’s the copy and paste I’ve just made famous:
Next Membership Meeting:
Donate your old shoes to help save lives.
Donate your shoes to help save lives.